Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
