ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Come see our sink grown plant.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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