why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
