they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
