i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
