He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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