dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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