Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
