wat bout pragnant strippers??
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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