that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
