I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
