Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
