Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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