who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
