so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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