not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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