Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
