just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
