I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
