I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
