I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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