All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
