Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
