smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
