I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
