it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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