You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
