I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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