im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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