I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
