your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
