yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
