it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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