Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
