They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
did i just pee glitter
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
