doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
