Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My pussy is not your playground.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
