y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
