I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
