Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
