I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
