Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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