Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
