I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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