why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
