I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
