Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
