On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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