sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
