Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His nipple licking is glorious
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