4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
