Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
